if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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