my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
