My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
