Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
