Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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