You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
