I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Randomize
