The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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