I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
