This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
