I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I think a kid would responsible me up
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
