So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
