So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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