I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
