I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Randomize
