Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
