Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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