the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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