I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Randomize
