my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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