I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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