hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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