i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
