Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
