i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
