Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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