Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
