My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Randomize
