2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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