could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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