when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
