I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I deserve this hangover.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
