and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
