Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
