I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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