i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
