Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
