The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
