your thong is hanging out like whoa
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
