The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
