I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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