I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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