it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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