So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
