Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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