The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
