look no pants
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
