and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
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I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
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Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
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