I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
