I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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