he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
