I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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