No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
