Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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