My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
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You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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