You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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