I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
