When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
