You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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