What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
