you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
