maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize