Banned from zoo.
Again?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
