I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
