I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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