he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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