When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
