Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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