so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
