a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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